Today I had a discussion with my co-workers about relationships and I was amazed at their take on love. Mark who is 23 years old explained how he only dates older women because the young ladies his age in the Bronx only wants a man to use. He said one female told him that her mother advised her that when she finds a lemon she should squeeze it. Then the female Marie, who is American but of Jamaican parents; explained how much of a headache island men are especially Jamaican men. I was somewhat shock of the negativity these individuals have about what constitutes love and a relationship.
Are we now living in a culture where the mentality is “what can you do for me?”(as far as women are concern). On the other hand, women are thinking of how much headache and stress they will have to endure just to be loved or at least to maintain some sort of companionship. Fast forward to the end of the conversation everyone agreed on the fact they have played the fool at some time or another.
I have been on both side of the fence in my life and decided long ago that somethings are not worth the headache and stress. I played in my early 20’s and could never find what was so fun about it. Then I realized that it was not in DNA and more over I had nothing to prove. I did it only because growing up in the Caribbean I saw the men around me doing it and I grew up with the mentality that being promiscuous would made me a man or prove my manhood. So at 26 years old I dumped that life style. I remember years ago I was watching Ziggy Marley on Late night TV with Chelsea. She asked him if he had as many ladies as his father – Bob Marley did? He laughed and replied that he tried it and it was not for him.
I would like to assume that what he meant was that he might have gotten caught up in the game and might have last the one person that he had really loved (which you never know until after). I know because I did. You never think of how grateful you should be when you have that one. The person that you want to date ever friday night, the person who you want to be intimate with every chance you get, the person who you want to share your life and life journey with, the one person that you look forward to travelling with every vacation; until you no longer have that. Like Adam Sandler said in the Wedding Singer; love hurts, love stinks.
I have friends that are married and still have their fun. I never comment on their life because I know that they are not true to themselves or their feelings. They are still reveling in that space of confusion and have yet to erase from their memory the things that they grew up seeing the males in the presence doing. More over they never saw their mother when she was crying or in pain. for me it was a struggle and at times a mountainous feat. However, if you know what real love is; as in love, does not hurt or cause pain. One would strive towards the discipline that is in all of us as human beings to be faithful. At times people allow outside influences such as friends, women and even their own ego pull them into a black hole of promiscuity and stress. Before you leap, ask yourself if it is worth it. Look at what you have and weight the pros and cons,because at the end of the day “sorry” cannot fix the bond that you will break.
Think of how you will make the one that you love cry, hurt, stress, loose trust in you and lastly what you would erode and would have to spent time to repair if that individual decides to let you back in. I have been taken on rides and been misled after I have regain my consciousness but ever since I was 26 I have stood my ground. I refused to be the cause of someones else’s pain. I have been hurt after but I don’t see it as a lost. I reflected on it as karma and I know one day God will send me an Angel all over again.